Scars
by Beregond5
Summary: Mainly set sometime after the Episode 1, Season 2. Jack can get killed and then gasp back to life in a heartbeat. But some wounds take longer to heal... Jack/Ianto pairing.
1. Prologue

After so many years of immortal existence, Captain Jack Harkness could personally attest to a terrible truth. Times of joy and happiness always seemed to go by in a flash, while times of misery and pain simply slowed into a crawl, bringing hopelessness and desperation along with them.

This time, however, it looked like as if time had come to a complete stop. There was no day or night, nor sleep or wakefulness. Just before and after death.

Before death meant the Master's reign over him. The torture, each time different and aiming to reach Jack's limits and have his screams ring throughout the room. The scorn as the Master taunted the former time-agent, laughed at him for the loyalty he carried in his heart; the loyalty that never was nor would ever be returned. And then there was the stripping of pride, a reminder that Jack was a violation to nature and that he should be treated no differently.

After death, though, when Jack softly gasped to life, weak and trembling and once more tied up, he would close his eyes and hope. Hope that Martha was safe, that the Doctor didn't come to any further harm, and that, one day, they would get out of the endless cycle. And then, just maybe, he would find those he had taken for granted all this time and make things right. To be Captain Jack Harkness, leader of Torchwood, and not… a toy.

"Awake so soon?" the hateful voice said from the doorway, cutting into the silence like a knife. "Then we can begin again!"

And with that, the cycle started anew…


	2. Movie Night

Ianto checked himself in the mirror, attempting to catch any minor detail that might have marred the immaculate image he was aiming for. As far as he could tell, however, there was nothing. No crease on his shirt, no stain on his blue jeans, and the leather jacket gave Ianto a casual look that was a lot more different from the professional one his usual suit provided. Now, all that was left for him to do was check his teeth and breath one final time, and he would deem himself ready for the date.

Date… No matter how many times he repeated it in his mind or aloud, the word simply didn't sink in. And when he added the words 'with Jack' next to it, the whole concept sounded like some sort of an odd joke. For Jack, as far as Ianto knew, wasn't the date type. He never _needed_ dates. All he had to do was flash that cheeky smile of his, give one of his flirty looks or witty remarks, and the game was over before it had even started. Ianto knew this better than anyone; he had fallen for those very same things himself.

It was true that what he and Jack had between them – sex, mutual tension-relief or whatever – had began more than just a little shakily. First it had been Lisa, and then the arrogance that at times drove the young Welshman up the wall. And though they both had been willing to forgive and forget the other's missteps, the appearance of Iblis and Abbaddon had been proof that there had never been real trust between them. Ianto had joined the others in their mutiny and then, when everything was over, he had mourned Jack, the _immortal_ man, as if he had actually died.

Too many secrets. Maybe that was why Jack had left. Maybe he couldn't bear being with people who didn't understand him and probably never would. That was what Ianto told himself anyway. In truth, though, all he knew was that Jack hadn't considered Torchwood a good enough reason to stay. That he hadn't considered _Ianto_ a good enough reason to stay.

Ianto sighed ruefully. He had tried to stay angry with Jack, he really had. He had even played in his mind all kinds of scenarios in which he either put Jack in his place for abandoning him or gave him a good punch on the jaw. But when his big moment to hurt Jack and tell him that no, he hadn't missed him nor was he interested in anything the former time-agent had to say had finally come, Ianto had gone and accepted this… date.

In his defence, he had been caught by surprise.

A confident knock on the door snapped Ianto out of his musings, and he instantly looked at his watch. 7 o'clock sharp and, by the sound of things, Jack was right on time.

No time to lose then. Ianto cast another brief glance on the mirror, ran a hand through his hair and then went to the door, opening it. Just as he had expected, Jack was standing on the doorstep, his hands in the pockets of his military coat and a smile on his face.

"Hey," he said with a brief nod, seizing the chance to check out Ianto's new look. "You look great."

"Um… Thanks. You don't look half-bad yourself," Ianto replied, keeping the embarrassment from his voice. He actually felt nervous, something that he hadn't felt in a long time, back when he had been in London and he had asked Lisa out on their first date…

Right. The word 'date' didn't simply sink in now, it had even touched bottom and buried itself there.

"Ready to go?" Jack asked.

Ianto hoped that his blush didn't show as those blue eyes locked on him in such a warm gaze.

"Yeah, I just need to grab my wallet," he managed to say, pointing with his thumb to his room. "You can come in; I won't be long."

"Okay, sure."

Ianto nodded and turned on his heel, using all of his willpower to act naturally and level-headed. He only allowed himself the luxury to exhale the breath he had been holding till now when he reached his bedroom and then, once he was sure that he had truly composed himself, he grabbed his wallet and joined Jack in the living-room.

"Shall we?" he asked, his lips tugging into a smile.

Jack grinned. "The chariot awaits us outside."

Ianto groaned inwardly. Date or no, charming or not, if Jack made the mistake to refer to him as his fair lady, he _was_ going to deck him.

* * *

Thankfully, Jack did no such thing. In fact, he had been the perfect gentleman during the whole drive from Ianto's house to the cinema, and he had even offered to pay for both the tickets.

"So… which movie are we going to see?" Ianto asked, feeling his curiosity piqued.

"No idea. We'll just have to see what our options are once we get there," Jack answered.

"And if there isn't any movie worth watching?"

"We can always make out," Jack replied with a cheeky grin, winking in Ianto's direction.

"I already feel bad for the rest of the audience," Ianto deadpanned.

"Not for the kind of performance we'll put up."

"You realize I should be playing hard to get after your three months of absence?" Ianto pointed out.

"Would you deny these blue-coloured puppy eyes?" Jack said and faced Ianto, an adorably begging expression on his features.

"Eyes on the road, Jack."

"I'm not trying to charm the road."

"Maybe, but I'd rather we reached our destination in one piece."

Jack chuckled, nevertheless he looked straight ahead once more. "You make tough bargains, Ianto Jones."

"I try my best."

"I know that too well."

With that, comfortable silence filled the car, both men left alone with their thoughts. But Ianto noticed that Jack's mirth ebbed away, replaced by a sober look that the young Welshman rarely saw.

"What have been up to?" the former time-agent finally asked. "While I was gone, I mean."

Ianto pursed his lips. "Well, I found myself working out on the field, as you saw for yourself, and I'm also in research," he answered. "I still make coffee though; Team Torchwood needs its fuel to function," he added, half-teasing, half-serious.

Jack smiled, but only barely. "What about outside Torchwood?"

Ianto decided to pretend he didn't understand the question. "What about it?"

"Didn't you find anything… interesting?"

Well, no point in avoiding the answer now. Ianto shrugged in a careless manner. "Torchwood keeps things interesting enough as it is."

"You could have found something," Jack said, his tone softening.

"The chance never came up," Ianto said honestly. What he had opted not to say, however, was that he hadn't even been looking for one either. Finding someone who understood the challenges and difficulties of working in Torchwood _without_ being a part of it in the first place was nigh possible. Gwen tried, but Ianto had witnessed how badly that worked. What with Rhys being kept in the dark about her job and her becoming more and more overwhelmed, it was a matter of time before she wished to somehow vent the stress and tension building up inside her. The result? The infamous affair with Owen. Though it had ended quickly, it proved Ianto's point nonetheless, which was why he had chosen something a lot less complicated: immerse himself in his work.

"Lucky me, then," Jack said, cutting into Ianto's train of though.

"If you say so, sir."

"I thought I said we could drop the 'sir' now. We _are_ going to have some fun, after all."

"Sorry, Jack. Force of habit."

Jack nodded, seeming satisfied with the answer, and started his parking maneuvers. They had been lucky enough to find a convenient spot just several feet away from the cinema so, as soon as the SUV was locked, they walked to the cashier to get their tickets.

* * *

As it turned out, they didn't have all that many options. There was only one film about to start, so it was either buy tickets for that one or wait for another hour to see anything else. Deciding that they were in a gambling mood, they bought the tickets and, five minutes later, both men were on their seats, waiting for the film to start. Even if it did turn out to be a bad one, they would have a couple of fun two hours, at the very least.

Or so Ianto had believed. About half-way through the film, he deemed that the entire concept was ridiculous. Granted, the fact that he worked for Torchwood, an alien-fighting organization, was enough to make him spot and groan over any kind of liberties and downright preposterousness of the genre called 'science-fiction.' But he also had a thing or two to say about the painfully obvious CGI and the appalling performances as well, so Ianto soon found himself bored and hoping that Jack would initiate the making out session he had promised.

Sure enough, Ianto felt Jack shift slightly closer to him, their legs brushing gently against the other, and the young Welshman spotted Jack's hand from the corner of his eye moving closer to his direction – moving towards the younger man's thigh, no doubt. Ianto got ready to voice his objection, not wishing to give Jack that kind of liberty. Not yet anyway. It was a familiar dance, and Ianto remembered the steps all too well.

To his surprise, Jack didn't reach for his thigh after all. He clasped Ianto's hand instead, just before placing a kiss on his cheek. Ianto looked at the former time-agent, but the latter simply smiled at him and then continued watching the film. All that was left for Ianto to do was to follow Jack's example, trying to figure just wheresuch a… _sweet_… gesture came from.

TBC...


	3. The Recording

**A/n:**This chapter tangles with the infamous engagement scene between Jack and Gwen. Namely, this: http: / www. youtube. com /watch? v= PM43N3ARsoM

(just delete the spaces and you should be fine.)

* * *

"_Here we are," Jack said, parking the car outside Ianto's house. He looked at the young Welshman at the co-driver's seat and grinned broadly. "Was it as good for you as it was for me?"_

"_It was different," Ianto replied diplomatically, nevertheless smiling back._

_Jack made a face as if wincing. "Ooh, sounds ominous."_

_Ianto couldn't help but chuckle. "Well, okay, I wouldn't go that far."_

"_Does that mean I'll get to enjoy your company in my office tomorrow morning?" the former time-agent asked in a shy manner, fingers gently tracing the back of Ianto's hand. It was a soft touch, an almost innocent one. It nevertheless had the power to make Ianto face Jack, his eyes locked on Jack's. _

"_Why wait till tomorrow?" he asked softly._

_Jack regarded him for many long moments, and then he leaned in his direction. Ianto stayed where he was, swallowing hard as the man came closer, his lips descending. He could already imagine the velvety touch on his mouth, making his heart beat rapidly against his chest with eagerness and anticipation. _

_Except, for the second time that evening, the lips landed on his cheek._

"_I want to make things right," Jack said softly._

* * *

The shrill sound of a mobile phone rang and cut into Ianto's musings, startling him. It was no longer night-time, he wasn't in a car, and Jack certainly wasn't with him. He was at his desk, in the Hub, resting his chin on a palm as he lost himself in thought – till now, that is. Shaking his head and ridding himself of the last remnants of his daydreaming, Ianto reached for his pocket and answered the call.

"Yeah?"

"Ianto, it's Tosh. Where are you?"

Ianto frowned. "At the office, as usual. Is something the matter?"

"Good, you're a lifesaver," Tosh said. "I missed the bus this morning and I won't be able to make it for another hour at the very least. Could you do me a favour and scan this week's recordings and erase the useless files for me?"

"If you want me to," Ianto replied. "You won't be able to do it when you arrive?"

"Not today, no. Jack has asked me to work on the frequency beams of that new equipment the Rift brought and it will take up all my day."

"All right; I'll go through the recordings then," Ianto said, smiling.

"Thanks, Ianto. I owe you one," Tosh said, audibly relieved. "Talk to you later."

"Later, Tosh," Ianto said, and then hanged up, putting the mobile back in his pocket. Well, Owen and Gwen seemed to be running late today as well, and Jack had gone out to get some breakfast, so he had some free time to spare. He logged in with a few expert strokes on the keyboard and started deleting the files that had little to no interest at all; mostly nightly recordings when there was hardly a mouse stirring. It was an easy enough procedure and, at that rate, Ianto's task would be finished in no time.

The thought had barely crossed his mind when he caught sight of the last recordings, the ones that contained Jack's return to the Hub. He saw the whole interaction frame by frame, recalling it in his mind's eye as well. There was Jack, standing by the stairs, watching them work with a warm look in his eyes as if he was some sort of a proud father. Then Gwen pushed him away, accusing Jack of leaving them. Then there was the conversation that followed as the air was finally cleared among them. And then the words 'I came back for you' as he looked at all of them…

Ianto stopped at once as he spotted one recording that he hadn't been aware of. By the look of things, Jack and Gwen had a private conversation of their own once the reunion was over. Feeling curious and before he could help it, he pressed the enter button and watched.

"_You know everything about me, Jack. Why do you keep shutting me out?_"

Ianto sighed. He supposed he should have expected Gwen would have wanted more answers than just 'I've found my doctor'. She was stubborn like that, after all. On the other hand, so was Jack, and if he hadn't been willing to say it before, then he would never say it now, even in private.

Sure enough…

"_Here and now, that's what's important. The work we do; the person I am now. _That's_ what I'm proud of."_

"_Then why did you desert us?_"

Ianto froze. Something in that tone, something in that look in Gwen's eyes told him that, by 'us', she wasn't really referring to the whole team.

"_Where did you go? I want to know, where did you go? Tell me._"

Ianto swallowed hard and watched, even though a part of him screamed that he should stop the recording and get out. It was as if he was glued on the spot, unable to move away… unable to _look_ away.

"_Talk to me._"

Ianto looked at Jack. He seemed so thoughtful, so wistful. He had never looked at _him _that way…

"_I have died so many times and dragged back into life… like being hauled over broken glass. I saw the end of the world._"

Ianto felt like his heart stopped. What?

"_How?_"

"_It doesn't matter now. But after it was all over… I knew I belonged here._"

"Don't smile… Don't look at her that way, please…" Ianto thought desperately. Yet the recording continued playing relentlessly. And what he heard next had the young man's world come crashing down.

* * *

Ianto was still sitting at his desk when he heard the wail of alarms and Jack's holler 'I'm back!'. A part of him wondered at the timing, since Jack arrived so soon after his own discovery. Another part of him was glad, though. It meant that he would get to deal with this… issue… while the iron was still hot, sort of speak.

"Hey, Ianto. You alone?"

"For the moment, yes," Ianto said in a neutral tone.

"Good. I've got some pancakes here with your name on them…" But something in Ianto's posture or look must have warned Jack that this was no time for jest or light-hearted talk, for his voice trailed off and his smile faltered. "What's going on?"

Ianto decided not to answer in words. He simply pressed enter, and the recording played anew.

"_I've died so many times and then been dragged back into life…_"

Jack's eyes widened. "Ianto…"

Ianto raised a hand, stopping Jack. "There's more."

"_I saw the end of the world…_"

"Ianto, listen to me-"

"Listen to the damned recording!" Ianto shouted, reaching his boiling point. If looks could kill, the younger man was sure that he would have killed Jack on the spot in that moment.

Jack complied, sighing. Both of them knew what words would follow next.

"_But after it was all over… I knew I belonged here. What kept me fighting was the thought of coming back to you._"

Ianto pursed his lips, putting his anger back in check before pressing enter to stop the video.

"Ianto…"

"I have work at the archives, sir," the younger man said coldly, getting back on his feet and heading for the exit.

"Ianto, will you just listen for a second?" Jackcried, exasperated.

"No, I won't."

And with that word of finality, Ianto walked out, not bothering to look back. As far as he was concerned, they were done.

* * *

Ianto placed another file at its rightful place, and then picked up the next one, scanning through it so he would be able to label its contents. The room was quiet, just as he preferred it. Even so, his insides were anything but calm. The video kept playing in his mind's eye, and he unwillingly recalled every glance and every touch Jack and Gwen had exchanged even after Jack had confessed to her he had come back for her... The hand sliding down to clasp hers, feeling the ring on her finger. His look as he demanded to know what that was… Her look of mock surprise as she answered… She had _relished_ the attention, even jabbed at him to say the right word that would make her forget Rhys and the engagement.

Yet neither took that step. He kissed her on the cheek, wishing her the best of luck; and then, as if they were the lead couple of a romance novel doomed to never have their happy ending, settled for the convenience Ianto and Rhys provided them with.

He felt so cheated… so humiliated… Jack must have thought that he was such an idiot, believing his feelings were genuinely returned rather than out of an obligation…

A droplet of warm, clear liquid fell on the file and Ianto cursed under his breath, taking out his kerchief. Even as he wiped the paper carefully so none of the letters would get smudged, however, he felt more tears stinging his eyes, and his shoulders tensed as a sob threatened to flow out of his throat.

"Ianto…?"

At the sound of Jack's voice, Ianto bit back his lip and forced his emotions back in check. The last thing he needed was to give the former time-agent the satisfaction that he was crying over their… whatever it was they had. So, he kept his back to him, stubbornly looking at the file at the pretence of examining it.

"I haven't finished working yet, and if it's coffee you want, the kitchen is in the other direction."

"Ianto, don't be like that."

"I apologise, sir. I'll be more pleasant next time."

"That's not what I meant and you know it!"

"If you don't like it, I can always file in my resignation!" Ianto snapped coldly, standing up and finally facing Jack. "It seems I'm quite the obstacle, after all."

"Ianto, you weren't an obstacle," he said, raising his hands in a sign of peace. "I do care about you."

"So much that you only considered me as an option after you saw the engagement ring!"

"That's not how it went!" Jack exclaimed. "I know how it looked in that video, but I meant what I said. I came back for _all _of you, not just Gwen!"

"She doesn't seem to think that. She certainly wasn't speaking to you as a mere friend."

"Even if she wasn't, I've already made my choice," Jack said, his eyes never leaving Ianto's as he took another step forward.

Ianto didn't really want to admit it, but his feelings of anger slowly ebbed away, replaced by curiosity, a wish to understand. "Is that why you asked me out?"

"I do want to make things right this time," Jack replied softly, boldly taking Ianto's hand in his. "I want to woo you properly, Ianto Jones. Will you let me?"

Ianto pursed his lips, contemplating on the situation. It was true that it wouldn't have been below Jack to claim Gwen if he really wanted to. And it wouldn't have been below Jack to simply _not_ ask Ianto out on that date. Moreover, he came down here to salvage what they had after their argument, which meant that he was regarding this relationship seriously.

"Well, as long as you don't put roses on my desk with little love notes attached to them. I'm allergic," he finally said.

Jack grinned. "Consider it done. I have something else in mind anyhow."

"And that would be?" Ianto asked curiously.

"You'll find out tomorrow," the former time-agent said with a wink and headed upstairs, his step audibly lighter and happier.

Ianto watched him go, smiling to himself, and then continued working. He couldn't help but wonder what Jack had in mind this time. Something told him, however, that he would be in for another surprise.

TBC...


	4. Another Afternoon Out

"Are we there yet?" Ianto asked, hands reaching for the blindfold over his eyes.

"No," Jack's voice sounded from the driver's seat. In the next moment, Ianto felt a hand gently tapping his own away from the cloth, very much like a mother who stops her overeager child from reaching for a delicacy just yet. "And I think I've told you that you can't peek."

"The cloth is itchy," Ianto said in his defence.

"You weren't complaining when I used it on you before," Jack's voice sounded with a smirk.

"Is that the same one?" Ianto asked. "The one we… dabbled… with?"

"The one and only. I found it down in the room and figured it could serve a more innocent purpose."

"For something so innocent, you certainly know how to tease me about it," Ianto commented.

"I'm sure you love it just as much," Jack replied, his grin more than just a little audible.

Ianto chuckled before he could help it, and he finally decided to leave the cloth be. Comfortable silence filled the SUV and, as the darkness of the cloth gave him a sense of privacy, Ianto soon lost himself in thought. It was true that the romantic side of Jack had thrown Ianto off balance at first; the younger man had been used to the exhilarating, passionate intricacy of having sex with Captain Jack Harkness. Now, though, after their first 'real' date and the recording incident, Ianto welcomed that change; especially if it meant leading them to something deeper and far more meaningful than what they had till now.

The car slowed down to a stop, bringing Ianto back to the reality of things.

"I take it we're here now?" he asked.

"Yeah, we are. Take off the blindfold," Jack said.

Ianto complied and looked around, not seeing anything out of the ordinary at first. When he directed his gaze to his left to address the former time-agent, however, he caught himself staring over the man's shoulder, for a very familiar sight caught his eyes, taking him by surprise.

"I take it that my surprise worked?" Jack asked, grinning.

Ianto had to admit that it did, so he nodded in agreement.

* * *

"Okay, why the funfair?" Ianto finally decided to ask as the two of them walked about the children-bustling place. They were strolling side by side, enjoying their candy floss and the colourful lights around them.

Jack made a shrugging motion. "We haven't tried that before. Thought you might like it."

Ianto nodded. "The last time I went to one, I was still drinking milkshakes and I thought girls had the cooties," he said with an amused smile.

"Fortunately for you, I'm a boy," Jack said, winking.

"Let's keep it PG for now, Jack. There are children about, after all," Ianto retorted playfully. The last time he had been in a funfair had also been a pretty much so-so experience because of all the people and loud music. This time, however, he could really appreciate what it meant to just forget your problems and enjoy the merriment that could be found in simple things like tossing a ball or seeing the whole world from the top of a giant wheel. God knows how ugly and hopeless everything seemed when working for Torchwood.

"You okay?" Jack said in that moment, cutting into Ianto's thoughts.

Ianto looked up. "Yeah, sorry, just forgot myself."

Jack clicked his tongue in disapproval. "Today we're scott-free from everything. No Rift, no aliens, no emergencies of any kind, nothing. We'll just get in touch with our inner child."

"Sometimes I wonder if you ever have a problem getting in touch with your inner child, Jack," Ianto said.

It was meant to be a tease, yet Jack's reaction wasn't what Ianto had expected. A sad expression had settled on the former time-agent's eyes, and Ianto wondered what he had said that upset Jack so.

"I'm so-"

"What do you think of that teddy over there?" Jack asked all of a sudden, his smile back in his lips.

Ianto didn't answer at once, quite taken aback at the seemingly random question. In the end, though, he followed the man's gaze and he understood what Jack was talking about. There was a small stall to their right, and there was a bearded portly fellow standing in front of a whole shelf filled with toys, beckoning anyone to approach and test their shooting skills. And, sure enough, Ianto located the teddy bear that Jack had already spotted. It wasn't overly big, a pair of brown glassy eyes on a round face and with soft chestnut fur. What really made the particular toy stand out, however, was the bright red cape that adorned its shoulders.

"It's cute," the younger man admitted, only to smile as another thought crossed his mind. "It reminds me of you actually."

"Oh?" Jack raised an eyebrow, certainly intrigued by the verdict. "Why is that?"

"It seems pretty dashing with that cape," Ianto said, explaining his reasoning. "But I bet it's pretty warm and soft for a nice cuddle late at night."

Jack laughed at that. "Next thing you're gonna tell me that you would call it Jack too."

"I don't know. Probably," Ianto said with a teasing smile.

The former time-agent thought about it for a few moments and, as it seemed to have finally reached to a decision, he looked up at Ianto.

"Wait here."

Ianto did, even if he weren't sure what was on Jack's mind. He just watched the man walk up to the stall, exchanging some kind of talk with the bearded man before the latter handed him one of the fake toy rifles. Of course, the particular weapons were nothing like the real guns Jack – and everybody else in Torchwood for that matter – had to handle. So, mere minutes later, Jack was back with the teddy bear in his hands and a big grin on his lips.

"As you requested," he declared, handing Ianto the teddy.

"I hardly requested it, but thanks anyway," Ianto replied with a soft chuckle. "Although, just between you and me… I'd rather I cuddled the real thing tonight," he said, stepping a bit closer with a look full of meaning in his eyes.

"Tempting…" Jack commented. "But how about we go see what else I can win for you first?" Winking, he clasped Ianto's hand and they continued on.

Though Ianto followed obediently, he couldn't help but feel more than just a little disturbed. This was the second time that Ianto had suggested they spent the night together, and Jack dodged the offer. Worse, however, he had also noticed a certain look in Jack's eyes that he thought he'd never see. It was brief, a mere blink-and-you'll-miss it glance, but Ianto still saw it. It was a look of uneasiness and discomfort.

"Jack?"

Jack faced the younger man. "Yeah?"

Ianto opened his mouth to speak, but… what could he possibly say? He knew Jack, and Ianto also knew that if he tried to dig things up now he'd only get vague answers or stubborn denials. No. He'd have to let go of it for the moment and try again at another time.

With that settled in his mind, he smiled at Jack as if nothing was wrong. "How about we try the Ferris Wheel?"

Jack visibly relaxed and returned Ianto's smile to a tee. "Ferris Wheel it is."


	5. Dinner

A couple of days later, Ianto was in for another surprise, courtesy of a certain Jack Harkness. Sure, Jack had told Ianto that they would go out to dinner at some point, but the young Welshman hadn't thought it would be so soon. He certainly didn't think that they would ever be at a place like this. He somehow always pictured a quiet, casual place where they could share idle talk over a burger and/or a beer.

Ianto had been correct about the quiet part, but he couldn't have been more off target about everything else. In place of the burger he had in mind, there was a very juicy fillet in a creamy sauce in his plate, and his glass was filled with aromatic rich wine to match the flavour of the tender meat. And, to top it, Jack sat across from him, dressed in a neatly-ironed blue shirt, its colour accentuated by a beige pair of trousers that clad his form perfectly. The former time-agent smiled and spoke to the waiters in a charming debonair tone, seeming at home in such aristocratic surroundings. Ianto, on the other hand, felt awkward, as if he shouldn't have been there in the first place even though the suit he was dressed in _was _appropriate for the particular place.

"You don't have to do that," Jack said as he noticed Ianto straightening his tie for the fifth time ever since they arrived at the restaurant. "You look great."

"Thanks," Ianto murmured, a blush creeping on his cheeks. "But I'm more like a fish out of the water."

"A very sexy fish out of the water," Jack said, winking.

Ianto chuckled in an attempt to hide his embarrassment and then held up his glass. "Well, I'll drink to that."

"So will I. Cheers," Jack said, touching Ianto's glass with his own. The chiming crystal sound filled the air for a brief moment, and the two men drank some of their wine, enjoying its fine taste. "How's the veal?"

"It's good," Ianto said with a nod. "Although I'm sure you already knew that. How long have you known this place?"

"For quite a while," Jack replied. "I like it. There's nice music, good food, excellent wine… it's only natural I share it with the best company."

"You mean with your current company," Ianto pointed out gently. He didn't try to be bitter or jealous with the particular commented. Just realistic.

"With the best company," Jack insisted softly, his hand reaching Ianto's and clasping it tightly. "I don't do this just for anybody."

"Are you saying that I'm the first one you brought here?" Ianto asked, blinking.

"That's exactly what I'm saying," Jack replied, grinning.

Ianto didn't speak for several moments, processing what Jack told him. "I don't know what else to say except that I'm flattered."

Jack chuckled softly. "Flattered is good," he said, his thumb gently rubbing Ianto's knuckles. "You deserve only the best, Ianto Jones."

There had been times that Ianto would have appreciated the compliment. Even as he blushed once more, however, the same nagging feeling that had been tormenting him since Jack came back returned full force. And, before he even realized what he was doing, compelled to speak with all disregard to consequences, he let the question flow out of his lips.

"What changed, Jack?"

Jack's affectionate expression changed to a frown, and the rubbing on Ianto's stopped. "What do you mean?"

It was an attempt to stall the inevitable confrontation, or perhaps an attempt to pretend ignorance so Ianto would leave the matter be once more. This time, however, Ianto intended to go through with this to the very end. He had let things unchecked and he _had _enjoyed them while they lasted, but no more. He needed to understand.

"Last year, we had no qualms about what we wanted from the other. It was different, to me at least; it was intriguing, and it was… fun," he said with a weak chuckle, only to sober in the next moment. "And nothing more than the superficial urge to take pleasure from each other's bodies."

Jack sighed and lowered his gaze. "It was a mistake. I want things done right, Ianto."

"I know; you told me that," Ianto said softly. "But I doubt you woke up one morning and thought to yourself, 'Today, I'll go to Ianto Jones and woo him the right way.' It's not like you, Jack."

Jack didn't say anything, stirring the food with his fork slowly, almost mechanically.

"Does it have to do with what you told, Gwen? About going to the end of time?"

Silence was his only answer.

"What was so bad, Jack?"

"I told you, I found my doctor," Jack replied stolidly. "What more do you want?"

"And I'm happy for you, Jack. But it still doesn't explain why you're acting as if…"

"As if…?" Jack demanded.

Ianto deemed it was now or never. "As if you're trying to earn a second chance in life."

Jack pursed his lips momentarily. "Maybe that's all I want. A second chance."

"Only somebody who was on the verge of losing everything else wants second chances," Ianto said softly. He knew how it was; he had been in that very same position too once and it had nearly torn him apart. "What happened, Jack?" He squeezed the other man's hand gently, but firmly, in a sign of reassurance and acceptance.

Jack pulled away, focusing on his food instead. All Ianto could do was watch him eat for a few moments, and then he started cutting his own meal. Yet the veal tasted as it had lost all of its flavour, and the warm atmosphere had been replaced by the frostiness of tension. It was almost relieving when the waiter arrived with the bill, putting an end to the torture that this dinner had turned out to be, and the two men quickly put on their jackets, in need of fresh air.

The moment that they stepped outside, Jack turned on his heel and walked without even saying goodnight.


	6. Reconciliation

The sound of his footsteps rang quite clearly in Ianto's ears as he went up the small set of stairs in front of the house. The night was quiet, not a mouse stirring at this time of night. Maybe because Ianto had barely paid heed to everything else on his slow, almost absent-minded walk back home. In all honesty, he had been in no hurry to return. The cold air surrounding him had been a good match with the darkness of the streets as the scarce lamps here and there did little to illuminate his path. It had reflected his state of his emotions to a tee. Icy numbness prevailing as slivers of light attempted to find their way into the darkness of bitterness and disappointment and yet failing miserably.

No, he didn't blame Jack for their falling out. Not entirely anyway. Perhaps Ianto himself should have been more patient about it. They were still in the first steps of turning this affair into a deep, meaningful relationship, and Ianto wanted Jack to show him an amount of trust that the former time-agent hadn't been ready for. In short, Ianto had acted almost like Gwen, who always believed that talking about things made everything better somehow.

Ianto snorted. Talking about it didn't make his colleagues in Torchwood One any less dead, nor did it cure Lisa. It didn't make the nightmares about the attack or the cannibals any less frightening. It didn't make his job any less stressful or people like Owen any less jerks. The only thing that actually did that was Jack's presence. Knowing that someone was there for him and _with _him made Ianto feel stronger, more hopeful about what lay ahead in his life.

It was also one of the reasons that Ianto had meant to return the favour. Jack knew everything about him and it was that knowledge that enabled him to help the younger man. If Ianto knew what he had to deal with, then maybe he would be able to help Jack back. Or so he intended; Jack had put a stop to that plan.

Ianto sighed ruefully, his breath crystallizing as it came in contact with the midnight frost, and then reached for the keys in his pocket. He almost winced when the keys clung loudly against the other, penetrating the surrounding stillness with the force of a drill, but he eventually found the key he had been looking for. The door slid open effortlessly as he put the key into good use and, soon, Ianto stepped inside, lighting the hall and unlacing his shoes – he never toed them off, it only damaged the leather. That was also the beginning of a series of nightly rituals that Ianto always followed to a tee, no matter how tired he was or how desperately he wanted to crawl under the bed sheets and forget his problems. They had practically become second nature to him by now anyway, so he always performed them without much thought. So, twenty minutes later, he was perfectly done with the bathroom and he now headed towards his bedroom, wishing to change into his nightclothes and officially calling it a night. However, he jumped when he turned on the light and saw Jack sitting on the bed.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you," Jack said quietly. He barely looked in Ianto's direction, oddly unfazed by the younger man's violent reaction.

"Could have fooled me," Ianto managed to say, his voice not quite as calm as he would have liked. "How did you get in here?"

Jack held up a key-ring with four very distinctive keys attached to it. "You never know what's going to happen to any one of you," he said. "I keep them with me just in case there's an emergency."

"And now?" Ianto asked, looking at the man in apprehension. Arguing was hardly considered an emergency, after all.

"If I had knocked, I doubt you would have let me in," Jack replied in a soft tone. "At least now we can talk."

"I believe we're in this situation because you didn't want to talk," Ianto pointed out. Though he didn't intend to he harsh, he certainly must have sounded it, for Jack winced visibly. The younger man instantly looked away, guilt eating away at him. "Sorry."

"It's not your fault," Jack said quietly.

There was silence for several moments, and Ianto shifted on his legs uncomfortably. These kind of moments between them, when both of them obviously wanted to speak and yet neither of them was sure what to say, were always awkward.

"I didn't mean to take it out on you or walk away," the time-agent finally said, his tone barely audible as if he didn't want to break the silence. "I just couldn't stay either."

"Why?" Ianto asked, feeling for Jack. The older man seemed so lost, so… struggling with this, torn between fleeing again and meeting the monster head on.

"Because… you were right. About something changing," Jack replied. He wrung his hands slowly, nervously. "You were even right about… me losing everything. Not just you or the team or my friends, but… even my own sanity."

Ianto swallowed hard and sat next to Jack, gently taking one of the older man's hands to grip it in reassurance. "It's okay. No more questions."

Jack looked at the clasping hands almost in surprise, and then back at Ianto. He opened his mouth as if wishing to speak and yet his voice failed him. In the end, the younger man reached for his face, caressing it tenderly.

"It's alright."

And Jack finally broke down. With a sob, he wrapped his arms around Ianto, holding desperately onto him as if afraid someone was going to take him away. Ianto's heart wrenched as he felt the strong body trembling against him, the shoulders shaking in dry heaves and warm, salty droplets staining the fabric of his shirt. And yet all he could do was hold Jack close to him, rubbing the older man's back in soothing circles and cooing softly in his ear.

He was almost startled when he felt Jack's lips on the curve of his neck in a definite, albeit hesitant kiss. He didn't say anything at first, but when he felt a second and a third on, he instantly drew back.

"Jack…"

The other man looked up at him imploringly, his hands trembling as he cupped Ianto's face. "Please, Ianto… I need this."

The hoarse, broken tone almost undid Ianto. Nevertheless, he knew he had to do the right thing. Jack was in an emotional turmoil, probably not thinking straight, and this would be like taking advantage of the situation.

"What if you regret it in the morning?" he asked.

"That won't happen. Not with you," Jack said at once. "Please…" He nuzzled the man, pressing even closer to him. "I don't want to remember anymore. If there's anyone who can make me forget, it's you."

"And if _I_ regret it?" Ianto asked.

Jack's eyes filled with worry and anxiety. "Will you?"

Ianto pursed his lips, regarding Jack for many long moments… and then reached his decision.

"No."

Jack relaxed at once, relieved, and then leaned forward to kiss Ianto on the lips. Ianto stopped him midway though.

"Not yet."

Jack frowned in confusion, but Ianto simply smiled gently at him as he reached to the drawer of his nightstand. That seemed to puzzle Jack even further, the creases of his anguish ebbing away gradually. His curiosity was finally rewarded, however, when Ianto held up what he had been fumbling for: a kerchief.

"No need to keep wiping yourself on my shirt, I think," he said in a good-natured tease. "Besides, you know… Tears don't suit you all that well…" he added softly, resting his forehead against Jack's.

Soft laughter escaped the former time-agent's throat. "Only you, Ianto Jones," he said, his trademarked grin appearing on his lips at last, even if not quite as broad.

"I'll take that as a compliment," Ianto replied and, once Jack's face was presentable once more, he pulled him gently forward for that long-awaited kiss.


	7. Epilogue

Jack opened his eyes slowly, and he smiled affectionately when the first thing he saw was Ianto's face, relaxed in contented sleep. The younger man could look quite cute when asleep, especially after a night of sex, basking in the afterglow.

Speaking of which, Jack couldn't help but wonder how long he himself had been asleep. He looked briefly out the window, and he decided that it couldn't have been more than three hours; the grey colours of pre-dawn barely crept in the room, brightening everything just enough for Jack to be able to distinguish shapes and objects around him.

Three hours… It was a particularly long sleep by his standards, but it wasn't that that had truly surprised him. No, the real surprise was that he had slept that long without being tormented by any nightmares. Even in the last few nights after his return, while sleeping alone in the bunker, he had woken up with a gasp, all but drenched in sweat and his heart beating so fast that it was a miracle he didn't die of a heart-attack. He had certainly never died that way before. Even the Master hadn't attempted to kill him like that; Jack supposed that it had been too mundane a death for his tastes.

He shook his head, berating himself for thinking about him. The Master was gone, he was no more. He wouldn't hurt Jack, the Doctor, or anybody else, ever again. They had won, and that horrible year had got erased from everyone's memories as if it had never existed.

Still… this was victory that, for Jack, had been interlaced with more pain than he would ever care admit to anyone. He had been unwelcome and ignored as a mistake by one side, then tortured and violated as a mistake by the other. And though Jack had found it in his heart to put on a smile as he said goodbye to the Doctor, he knew now, more than anything, that he had only been chasing a chimera. And so, in his desire to feel once more, to _heal_, he had gone to the one place that he could call something akin to a home – even if he had denied it at first by leaving.

Ianto shifted in his sleep with a sigh, cutting into Jack's train of thought. Jack blinked momentarily but, as the younger man rested his head on the time-agent's chest, he smiled and gently wrapped his arms around him, holding him close. And as Ianto grew still once more, a sweet expression settled on his features, Jack couldn't help but kiss him on the forehead. This man had been the only one who was willing to give him a sense of belonging after Jack searched for his utopia, only to come up with nothing. And though Jack wasn't sure where this would take either of them… he had no intention of abandoning it ever again.


End file.
